


hello bitch that's not supposed to be in this city, how are you?

by Anonymous



Category: none pog
Genre: Aged-Down Character, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Fluff, Light Angst, Love, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, and a man bun, more like words but idc, piglin hybrid t3chnoblade, star1nnit, syren w1ilbur s0ot, t0mmy has star freckles, t0mmy knows spanish for reasons, uh, wait guys i just realized hannah is 20, winged ph1lza m1necraft, with lightning powers pog, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-17 20:23:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29598264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: technoinnit soulmate fic, because there are none
Relationships: Grayson | Purpled/ HannahxxRose, Ranboo/Toby Smith | Tubbo, Technoblade/TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 280
Collections: Anonymous Fics





	hello bitch that's not supposed to be in this city, how are you?

**Author's Note:**

> modern, hybrid, vigilante au.  
> Tommy isn't related to sbi  
> sbi are millionaires  
> Wil: 19  
> Techno: 18  
> Phil: old man age  
> Tommy: 18

Tommy had always loved the thought of his soulmate. How could he not, with his parents as his model? They were perfect partners in everything they did - raising Tommy, working hard, even video gaming. 

He dreamed of the day when he'd meet his soulmate, filling his journal with thoughts of what their soul words might be and hopes for their life together. His parents cautioned him that all relationships took hard work - soulmate or not. Tommy nodded seriously and spent three days in a frenzy of research on soulmates and healthy relationships, writing down tips in his diary and referring to them frequently.

It didn't help him find his soulmate, but he did notice a subtle increase in the quantity and quality of his friendships.

Then, the crime rate increase entered the scene and suddenly there was no time for dreaming or research. Protecting a city, hunting down multiple mafia lords, and keeping up with school took precedence over thoughts of soulmates and words on his wrist. Occasionally, he wondered about his soulmate - especially when he began stuttering around a certain blond-haired, blue-eyed boy - but for the most part, he shoved those thoughts out of his mind. His city was counting on him. Soulmates and romance would simply have to wait.

Unfortunately, the universe had other plans.

The other members of Team Minots started turning eighteen. All of them realized who their soulmates were within a day. And all of them had soulmates that were also on Team Minors. Every. Single. One.

Purpled (civilian identity - Grayson) found out XxRose (civilian identity - Hannah) was his soulmate one evening

Tubbo (civilian identity - Toby) announced that Ranboo (civilian identity - Jamie [made this up]) was his soulmate at patrol.

But Tommy was happy for his friends, even though he was the odd one out. His longing for his soulmate came back with a vengeance and he started counting down the days until his eighteenth birthday again.

* * *

"It's midnight! Happy Birthday, Tommy!"

Tommy grinned at his friends, clustered around him for his 18th birthday sleepover. "Thanks, guys!"

"Check your wrist, what does it say?" Toby asked eagerly.

Tommy took a deep breath and looked down at his wrist. Then groaned, slumping to the floor and burying his face in a pillow.

"My life is over."

Jamie, always empathetic, leaned forward. "What is it? What's wrong?"

Tommy raised his arm and twisted it, showing the word 'hello' written in neat pink script on his wrist.

Jamie winced. "That's ... unfortunate."

Grayson's brows furrowed in confusion. "Wait, what's wrong with 'hello'?"

Tommy dropped his arm and mumbled something into the pillow.

Toby sat down next to him, rubbing his friend's back comfortingly. "It's going to be okay, Tommy. I'm sure you can still find your soulmate."

"Easy for you to say," Tommy grumbled. "Your soul words were the most obvious ever. Who'd say that except Jamie?"

"I still don't understand," Grayson interjected.

Hannah pulled him aside. "How often do you introduce yourself by saying hello, Grayson?"

"Oh."

"Yeah."

* * *

Techno spent the first eleven years of his life thinking of soulmates as little as possible. They were a weakness, the piglins warned him, a trap that could kill him at any moment. The leader of their pack had killed his soulmate - centuries ago. On the rare occasions he considered his soulmate, Technoblade assumed he would follow in his leader's footsteps upon reaching his eighteenth birthday.

He ignored the shot of revulsion that ran through him at the thought of killing his soulmate.

Going to live with Phil changed _everything_. Suddenly, Techno had to abide by a moral code. Killing was wrong. Torture was wrong. A lot of days, it felt like everything he was good at was wrong.

It took him months to get used to Philza's rules and years to understand them. Somewhere along the way, he stopped hating his brother - though he'd sooner die than admit it.

When Wilbur met his soulmate, it threw Techno for a loop. To know that he wouldn't be expected to kill his soulmate here was one thing. To watch his brother parade around, loudly announcing Sally as his soulmate to anyone who would listen was very different. Finally, he snapped.

Dragging Wil into the Manor's library, Techno gave him his coldest glare. "Would you stop announcing Sally as your soulmate to everyone in the entire world? You're going to get her killed, Wilbur!"

Wil carefully removed Techno's hands from his collar. "Sally can take care of herself, Techno."

"That's no excuse to put a target on her back!" he hissed. "She is your perfect complement. Quit putting her in needless danger!"

"My perfect compliment, huh?" Wil said with a smirk. "I had no clue you were such a romantic, little bro."

Techno flinched. "I'm not."

Wil tilted his head in concern. "What's wrong, man? You seem almost worried."

"Soulmates can easily become a weakness. That's the whole reason the piglins made us kill them." Techno scowled at his brother. "You are making it far too obvious that Sally is your weakness."

Wilbur went pale. "The pig guys made you kill your soulmate?"

"Tch. Not me specifically. I haven't received my soul words, remember? But yes, it was common practice in the pack to kill one's soulmate." Techno looked away. "People that want to hurt you will be more than happy to do so via Sally."

"Techno, Sally can breathe underwater and drown them," Wil said, running a hand through his hair. "I pity whoever goes after her to get to me."

Techno's lips tightened. "You still shouldn't be so open about who your soulmate is."

Wilbur studied him for a moment. "This isn't just about Sally, is it?"

"Who else would it be about?" Techno deflected.

Weighing his words carefully, Wilbur asked, "Techno, are you concerned that the guys from the Nether will attack your soulmate?"

Techno kept his gaze on the bookshelves, away from his too perceptive brother. "There are many in that place that is angry that I abandoned their teachings."

"Oh, Techno." Wilbur's voice was full of pity and Techno bristled.

"Forget it. You obviously lack the intellect to see my point." He moved towards the door.

"Technoblade!" Wilbur called out. Against his better judgment, Techno turned back around.

"What, Wilbur?"

Wil smirked. "Anyone that the universe deems your perfect complement will probably send those pigs running with their tails between their legs."

In spite of himself, Techno smiled faintly at that. And if he started occasionally imagining a pretty person with a skill at fighting to rival his own, well, who would know but him?

* * *

"Happy Birthday, Technoblade!"

Techno rolled his eyes. "I do not understand why you insist on making my birthday into some elaborate production. Nothing has changed."

"Yeah, nothing except now you have your soul words," Wilbur said with a grin. "Care to share?"

"Tch. No." 

Wilbur smirked. "Too bad."

Launching himself backward, Techno barely evaded Wilbur's grasp for his arm. Unfortunately, that sent him straight into Schlatt's waiting arms, who pulled up his sleeve, paying no mind to the elbow Techno threw into his gut.

"Come on, guys. If he doesn't want to tell us, don't force it out of him," Wilbur said.

"Is this... Spanish?" Schlatt asked, risking his life by looking close enough to read the words.

Quackity hummed in contemplation. "So odds are he won't be meeting them in the U.S."

"Get off," Techno growled.

Abruptly, Schlatt burst into raucous laughter.

"Dude, those are the weirdest soul words I've ever seen, and Wilbur's are written in a fish language he can't even read!"

* * *

Despite his friends' reassurances, Tommy didn't find his soulmate within a day. Or a week. Or a month.

Standing on his balcony with Toby, Tommy let out a discouraged sigh.

"Do you know how many strangers said hello to me today? Fourteen! Any one of them could be my soulmate and I'd never even know!" Tommy waved his arms wildly to demonstrate his frustration. "I just don't understand, Tubs. The rest of the team found their soulmate so quickly. Easily.

Toby grimaced. "It probably is because of the fact that we are all so close, but not for the reason you think." (wise tubbo supremacy)

"What does that mean?"

Toby walked backward. "What is a soulmate, Tommy?"

"Soulmates are two halves of a whole, destined for unparalleled mutual affection. Often considered 'meant to be,' it is rare for soulmates to live happily without one another," Tommy rattled off the definition with the ease of someone who'd spent far to long staring at it.

"Wrong," Toby spat, voice unusually harsh. Tommy nearly flinched at the venom in his tone.

"That's the definition, I fucking swear," Tommy replied defensively.

Toby snorted derisively, angrier than Tommy had ever seen him.

Toby sighed. "Okay, let's try something different. What do you want in a soulmate?"

"Someone who always has my back," Tommy said immediately. "Someone I can trust with everything - scars, weaknesses, struggles."

Toby nodded approvingly.

"Someone who makes me want to be better," he continued, "as both a vigilante and a civilian."

He thought of the rocks in his stomach whenever civilians begged 'Crimson' for selfies, the way all of Team Minors still hero-worshiped Crimson even after working with him for years. "Someone who loves me for who I am and not for what I can do for them."

"Someone who completes me."

Toby groaned. "You were doing so well there for a minute."

Tommy refocused on his best friend. "What?"

"Soulmates aren't two halves of a whole," Toby said heatedly. "No one completes you, Tommy! You're complete, worthy, lovable all on your own. Soulmates are partners that work well together, that have the potential to be stronger together. Your soulmate brings out the best in you."

"Who in the world brings out the best in me if not the members of Team Minors?" Tommy asked incredulously.

Toby shrugged. "Who knows? But quite frankly, I don't think Team Minors has what it takes to challenge you, to bring out the best in you. You're the strongest vigilante on our team. Not to mention all your accomplishments as Tommy. You will walk a different path than we will."

Tommy snorted. "Okay, bitch. But that doesn't exactly solve my soulmate dilemma."

"I'm sure there are others in your position," Toby comforted. "Not everyone can have easy soul words the way Jamie and I do."

Huffing a sigh, Tommy thought longingly of the ease of Toby's words.

'Are you sure you want to tangle with the Jamie in a chess competition?' Who would ever say that to him besides Jamie?

Suddenly, Tommy jolted upright. "That's it, Toby!"

"What's it?" Toby hadn't thought he was imparting any particularly clever wisdom.

"I may not have super easy soul words, but I can make sure that my soulmate does!" Tommy lunged for his notepad and a pencil.

"I don't understand."

"You'll see, Toby," Tommy nearly cackled. "You'll see."

* * *

"Any luck finding your soulmate?" Skeppy grinned at Techno.

"I just got my words two days ago," Techno groused. "No, I haven't found my soulmate."

"Ooh can I see them?"

Techno sighed and held out his arm. "If I don't show you, I'm sure you'll just find out from Wilbur."

Skeppy burst out laughing.

"Not a word, Skeppy," Techno hissed.

"I'm sorry," Skeppy said, trying and failing to control his laughter. "I'm just wondering who in the world would dare to say something that ridiculous to you."

"My soulmate, apparently," Techno replied, his words bitter.

"Hey, this is a good thing!" Skeppy protested. "As long as you keep the number of people who know your words to a minimum, you won't ever have to worry about someone pretending to be your soulmate. After all, who could possibly guess _that_?" He dissolved into laughter again.

Techno groaned and ordered water-proof concealer.

"At least your soulmate has good handwriting!"

* * *

The cute barista grinned at him. "Hello."

"Don't freak out," Tommy began, "but my neighbor lives next to me."

Cute Barista blinked in confusion. "Okay? Isn't that the way the whole neighbor thing works?"

There wasn't an ounce of recognition on his face and Tommy sighed internally. "Could I have a chocolate mocha please?"

"Hello!" This time, it was his desk partner in Intro to Textiles.

"Waffles are pancakes - but with abs!"

"What?"

"Hello. I'm Avery."

"Potatoes have skin. I have skin. Therefore, I am a potato."

"Are you okay?" Chocolate brown eyes viewed him with concern.

Tommy had to bite back a laugh. Trolling people this way had slowly become one of his favorite things to do. It almost made up for the fact that none of them are his soulmate. Almost.

"Hello."

"Can I interest you in buying a one-eyed, one-horned, flying purple people eater? Monica refuses to do her part in feeding him."

"Hello! Are you Tommy?"

"Time for a purple porcupine piñata, I guess."

* * *

Techno was really tired of this whole soulmate business.

"A pleasure to meet you."

The woman in front of him - Megan? Margaret? - gasped. "You said my soul words! We must be soulmates!"

Techno rolled his eyes. "Apologies ma'am, you did not say mine. It must be a coincidence."

"Of course not! Let me see your words!"

"No."

"Any luck finding your soulmate, little bro?"

"I told you, Wilbur. I'm not looking."

"Sure, sure. Let me know if you want any help."

"Hello, I'm Tara Smith."

"Technoblade Minecraft."

"Those are my soul words!"

He stifled a groan.

"Thank you for being with us today, Mr. Minecraft."

"It's always a pleasure," Techoblade lied. "And please, call me Techno. Mr. Minecraft is my father."

Lona Brown leaned forward. "Alright, Technoblade. Now recently, you've received a lot of heat for rejecting boys and girls left and right, callously and harshly. So much so that your non-profit work is suffering. Would you like a chance to tell your side of the story?"

Techno shrugged elegantly. "There's not much to tell. Every person that I've rejected has falsely claimed that we're soulmates. I don't feel obligated to be kind when a man or woman is trying to build a relationship on lies and false pretenses."

"I see," Lona replied. "And have you met your soulmate yet?"

"No."

"There you have it, folks! Technoblade Minecraft is still single!"

Techno was _really_ tired of this whole soulmate business.

* * *

Tommy sighed as he began patrol alone. Again.

It was the third time in as many weeks that Tubbo had bailed on him to spend time with Ranboo.

Not that he blamed him - he'd want to hang out with his soulmate too! And Ranboo got so little free time to start with. Just, did they have to leave him alone all the time?

He shook off his loneliness and jealousy. He'd find his soulmate eventually. Till then, there was a city to patrol.

Swinging off, he gave a joyous whoop as he sailed through the air

_There's really nothing like zapping across L’manberg._

Two hours, four failed muggings, and a cat stuck in a tree later, he stopped on one of his favorite rooftops overlooking the city.

Then his eyes caught on someone in the shadows. Black face mask, the royal costume that makes this guy look hot - where did he recognize this guy from?

The answer came in a flash - he was The Blade, one of PM's partners. Although she supposed he _could_ be a villain. He didn't feel the energy to analyze.

Standing up and walking over, he greeted the masked vigilante.

He fell off the roof.

* * *

Techno walked purposefully through the City of Freedom.

He'd been there for a week now, investigating reports of a big mafia boss in L'manberg. Though he'd managed to gain a good bit of intel on this guy's puppets, very little was known about the man himself or the vigilantes who fought against him.

There was no helping it. He'd have to talk to the vigilantes. And they'd probably assume he was a fake and fight him. He sighed.

"You couldn't have sent Wilbur, Dad," he muttered.

"Umm, excuse me," a woman with blond hair stopped him.

"Yes, miss?"

Her eyes went wide. "You just said my soul words!"

Techno fought the urge to roll his eyes. "You didn't say mine. Apologies, miss, it must've been a coincidence."

"But - but - "

He walked away before she could come up with some excuse to keep him there.

Returning to the hotel, he changed into his Blade costume and set out into the night.

Finding Crimson was surprisingly easy. Catching him was another story. Techno was hard-pressed to keep up with him and his magical lightning hands while staying hidden. He breathed a secret sigh of relief when he stopped on a rooftop.

Landing silently on the same rooftop, he considered the best way to approach him.

Before he could though, he walked over and whispered,

"Hola perra que no se supone que esté en esta ciudad, ¿cómo estás" (Hello bitch that's not supposed to be in this city, how are you?)

Technoblade fell off the roof.

_Crimson is my soulmate?_

* * *

His grappling hook wrapped around Blade's ankle, pulling him back onto the roof. As it released, he nearly stumbled again and his brows furrowed. He hadn't thought the Arctic's vigilantes were so clumsy.

He stared at him for a moment, then said, "Hello."

Tommy's world ground to a halt.

_Wait, did he fall off the roof because I said his words?_

"What's your favorite color?" he asked suspiciously.

"Pink."

"How's your handwriting?"

"Neat."

_Holy fuck, Blade is my soulmate._

**Author's Note:**

> if you see any typos, no you didnt


End file.
